You could say I'm a dreamer. In fact, I'm a very good dreamer. I'm good at dreaming of all the things I'd like to do one day. Because I'd like to go here and do that. I'd like to make this and create that. And of course I'd like to write a song about this, that, and all the others.
Dreaming is safe and cozy. You feel so good about yourself when you're a dreamer. You have such big ideas, and you could probably be the change the world needs.
But the doing. Now that is another story. Doing has never been my forté.
And I think that's because of the insecurity of the pursuit. The is this going to amount to anything or am I just wasting my time part of doing. The what if what I have to offer isn't everything I thought it'd be part of doing. The there are so many people who already do what I do, could I even make a difference part of doing. The pursuit is what keeps us from stepping out of our happy dream places.
Your dreams look so big until that first step into the vast unknown of the world and culture and so many more human beings than you ever realized there were. And it's right around that moment that I would much rather just turn around and pretend like I never really had those dreams. I'll just cozy up in my dream world and keep it to myself. It's safer that way.
But here I am stepping out of my comfort zone. This year has been one huge hold-your-breath-close-your-eyes blind leap of pursuit. There's the fear of rejection, being misunderstood, not knowing when to throw in the towel, or not trying long enough. So much unknown-- the kind of unknown that my dreamer self tries to steer clear of on the regular! But I am trying. And no matter what the end result of all this turns out to be, I know that I will be more proud of a huge failed pursuit than a beautiful dream never acted upon.
Consider this my Act I. This is me dreaming and pursuing.